April 25, 2002

Assistance?

Hi folks,

My name is Sgt. Berreau and I'm on the specail Police Task Force assigned to the homeless robot case. As I'm sure you've heard, one of your BEG9 Begging Robots got loose from your lab and is holed up inside of the Pizza Hat resatraunt on Broad St (it's not a Pizza Hut as reported in the papers)

Basically, guys, we're drawing blanks with this thing here. We have to get rid of it, but nothing seems to work. And the Pizza Hat people are being real understanding, but we have to do something soon. Anyone have any pointers? I mean, maybe one of you worked on the team that made the thing or something?

We tried reasoning with it, we tried tricking it, we tried luring it out with Pizza Hats, we tried using force, several times. The thing is, it's got all these concealed defense things, some are real nasty. And apparantly its been set to a very aggressive level. It's already dislocated a customer's shoulder and I've got a couple men in the hospital.. Any ideas? Me and my men would be very, very thankful.

Posted by Sgt. Berreau at 01:15 PM

OK, we're all in trouble. That Universe article has blown the lid off this whole thing. Dex is firing the existing security team (that just started a couple weeks ago) and expect a new team in soon... and they're going to be hard, and I mean hard. Expect a massive internal review and reordering.

I suppose we all realize now it doesn't look good that people think we're releasing monsters into the neighbourhood, so I won't get into that.

Posted by Spud at 01:06 PM

April 23, 2002

Hello there twice again, am I saying correctly? I want to write to the guy who say those things to me in the internet note. I sayed I am sorry for the spillage of chemicals in the lab and burnings. But from now I am not sorry if the guy is gonna write those words to me. I want to say one thing about the monsters and things that the paper sayd.

Thank you to Spood for making me the "linc". So the thing is that the boss guy say that the monster he want play. Outside. I sayd to not let them out. He say "you let the monster play or I will have you from behind. He say if the monster run far that you Hami will follow with the chemical spray to stop and dissolve him" I say I do not have a spray for dissolving the monster, but the boss guy sayd I gotta use the one which was the accident that burn the red monsters eyes on the other day. I say this is crazy place man.
So many monsters! They come sometime in the box from the place with the 888888 on the box. I think someways they are like child but they do not laugh!

Posted by Hami at 12:50 AM

April 13, 2002

Look folks, I've been getting a lot of email about the thing with X and security. There's nothing can be done about that. Be aware that they monitor this site and that you should be posting about your research, not swears and threats.

Dex has been really concerned about the security and so he hired all these extra staff, mostly ex-policemen from Central America. This comes after a report that a journalist might have gotten all the way down to Subterra 2 without anyone noticing.

Posted by Spud at 11:11 AM
Announcement

The person posing under the name "X" has volunteered for the Isolation / Starvation Program. We commend his decision to help with this important research, and note he will be unable to post here for an indefinite length of time.

Posted by Internal Security at 09:03 AM

April 09, 2002

FUCK OFF HAMI

Hami, if I catch you near my shit again I'm going to fucking smack your face really hard. I am serious. In fact, you stay off Subterra 6 altogether. If I so much as hear you've been on Subterra 6 your are going to get it. I am serious sir. This is not a joke. Working at this institution is not like working in Syria or Iran or wherever the fuck you come from. GOT IT!

Posted by X at 05:25 PM

April 05, 2002

Au contraire, X (if that's your real name), we do want you here, Hami. But may I ask: what project are you working on? If the job description is for a prostitute, I could assume you're helping with the sexbox; but then again, it could be the love vats, the marriage helper or any one of the Untitled Sex Machines 7 through 12. Although I think a couple of these projects were cancelled after the Disraeli Incident.

Anyway, I was really posting here to bring everyone up to speed on some projects we're doing with Octuple AAAAAAAA Longhorn-San Food Systems International. We had some disturbing developments with the new Syll spec, Syll 2. This is a microwave convenience fibre. We're trying to bring the cooking time down from approx. 2 sec. Great progress was being made - we got cooking time on a range of items down into the 0.1 sec range. Then Wilbur made a breakthrough and cooking time went into the negative. The results are unpredictable... A hot dog cooked itself 2 seconds before being put into the microwave. Then, Wilbur's steak blew up far before he was even considering cooking it. A plate of nachos has been gaining mass steadily throughout the day and is now emitting infrared light... Once again, these were not cooked at all. We're not entirely sure what to do at this time.

Posted by Rusty at 10:56 AM

April 03, 2002

Go home Hami. No one wants you here.

Posted by X at 05:52 PM

April 02, 2002

Hello, my name is Hami. I have been working in laboratory for several weeks, but not very many people are in here, so somebody says I should write a note for the internet for my introduction. I look at so many notes here to discover people I have not met! I think somebody call me Heime. It is Hami. But I think it is me because I mix the chemicals that scratch the guy's face.
I am chemical engineer from Iran. I work for a big company in Iran, but here I am cab driver for seven years. I am fortunate to find a new job in laboratory. I find the advertisement for this job in the prostitute section of the newspaper. No kidding! I do not know why!

Posted by Hami at 02:29 AM