DEXLAB

Ok we found your Connery moping about near the pinball room. He was naked and spouting a lot of gibberish. When we asked him who he was (youre right, he aged a lot - he looks about forty now), he said "Kofi Anan" or something like that. Anyway, Larry remembered your post here and so we took him out back and put him to sleep. Come up to Animal Control and talk to us.

Despite all the improved security lately, a Sean Connery has escaped from the Celebrity Cloning Vats. I hope I don't need to point out how important it is that he not leave the lab. You should be able to recognize him. He is fourteen, but he's aging rapidly.

Sorry about that previous posting. I know what it looks like...kind of awkward isn't it... Yes well, that 'person' shouldn't have been provided with the access code to this site or to the computer wing of section 4c.

Apologies, we are really going to clamp down on that stuff from here on in. But once again, that was not one of those shrunken little people trying to get a message out for help. I know that is what is sure looks like and they sure did a convincing job of it, but rest assured it wasn't a little person asking for help.

gherlp me

i a m stetpping ionkeys

tiny

sec 4c

I saw the guy! The 'short inches' guy. I put him in a cuppe with limons and the juice for the blood cseizure drink, the drink with clams and those tomatos. I am shaking the cup and he says stop before I am drowning so I say shut up you small guy. soon the lab guy 'Denny' comes in for something and he see the guy and he is laughing so hardily. Then he is going to make a drink he says to me, let us have a blood cseizure and he gets the vodka bottles from his desk and he pores it in the cuppe. So now here is a 4 inches guy so drunk he is throwing himself up every where and then Denny urinates, and then the 4inches guy is asleep for a day and a half. He has body stink, but he is here in my desk, then, this morning he is gone. I did not eat him! I am telling you!

Here's an update on the "Shrinking boots" project.

At first we had success with shrinking. However, only the boots were shrinking and not any objects inside. This caused great pain to some of our testers. Then, after tweaking the particle ray settings, we managed to shrink both the boots and the feet. This did not cause any pain, but since no other part of the body was shrunken, it made it impossible for the subjects to walk again.

Wilbur had a great idea and built additional shrinking garments. The idea was to shrink the rest of the body along with the feet. Unfortunately something was lost in the execution - while the shrinking vest & hat set matched the boots nicely, the resulting effect on the human body was of a great deformity and so we abandoned that line of research.

Finally, a breakthrough. We managed to enlarge the suspension envelope so that we could shrink the subject's entire body, using only the boots. The result is an evenly shrunken human! However, we're still trying to restore people to their original size. We thought this would be a simple reversal protocol, but it's not the case. And we didn't plan adequately for the needs of the shrunken people. There was a mishap and a researcher accidentally trod upon one of them. Two others mutinied and we can no longer find them.

So if you see any extremely small people about, please call me. They're about four inches tall.

Has anyone else noticed how weird that guy Hani is being? I don't think 'Hani' is his real name but anyway on Friday night me and Garrett were working real late. We ordered a pizza at midnight and went to the front doors to pick it up. That's where we saw Hani with like 8 middle eastern guys climbing out of a Honda Civic. They were carrying tool bags and drills with them. The minute they saw us they started yelling some shit and all climbed back into the Civic and took off. Hani didn't show up to work on Monday. I think someone should look into this.