The CAI program represents not only an effective new tool for the Infanticide Division, but also a promising new step towards future collaboration with like-minded groups such as the ICL.

The CAI deploys small-unit teams to areas heavily populated by children. Advanced clowning techniques -- such as mime, magic tricks, amusing sounds, and colourful clothing -- are used to attract the attention of all nearby children. After maximum involvement is achieved, the team members lead the children to a secure position and liquidate them. All the latest silent attack methods can be utilized during the 'kill stage' - including ninjitsu, knifework, pressure point work and grappling.

"The great thing is that kids really love clowns," said Ron Coharski, subdirector of the SANDWICH infanticide department. "A few simple tricks and bam! We got 'em." Added Coharski, of the ICL: "it's great to work with such professionals. They really get the job done. They hate kids as much as we do."

"This new program is bound to be a success," says ICL director Menace the Clown. "SANDWICH is a fantastic organization with a lot of the same interests as we clowns have, so the collaboration is just common sense."

"Finally we have the resources we need to mount an effective attack upon the filthy forces of childhood, upon whom we clowns resentfully depend," he added, while making amusing sounds with a small horn.

The ICL represents clowns across the globe, and is responsible for contract negotiations, training, naming, lobbying and other duties of interest to all clowns.

S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H., the Special Association for Narcotics, Deception, Witchcraft, Infanticide, Coercion and Hatred, is a multinational corporation devoted to excellence in every field it enters.

For further information about the contents of this press release or about S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H. in general, please contact Lucy Fairfax (lucy@skitfaced.com).