Following a weekend strategy meeting among SANDWICH division heads, Lucy Fairfax and Reptilior (heads of Deception and Coercion, respectively) held an impromptu press conference. Ms Fairfax had this to say:

"Deception and Coercion share common interests and goals. We should, in fact we must, cooperate in order to compete in today's global economy. In the past, the Deception Division has led extremely misleading advertising campaigns in order to maximize sales of useless or dangerous products. Admittedly, this approach has been very successful. Nevertheless, in some instances our lies have come back to haunt us when faulty units have led to class action lawsuits, consumer backlash, and expensive product recalls.

What we are proposing is a two-pronged approach that combines manipulative and dishonest marketing with outright physical intimidation. Can you imagine if Reptilior and his savage underlings in the Coercion Division are turned loose on manufacturers, distributors, retailers, the public, and select members of the legal system? Our goal is to put in place a system where any resistance to, or open criticism of, the products advertised by Deception would be met with swift and extreme violence."

Reptilior underlined Ms. Fairfax's point by eating a live puppy and then vomiting flaming bile onto a microphone stand causing it to disintegrate immediately. He added, "The real beauty of this strategy is that it can be applied to any product or service-- candy bars, amusement parks, feminine napkins, you name it."

In the past, the Deception and Coercion divisions were in direct competition with one another for high-profile, lucrative contracts. This is indicative of a new trend in SANDWICH corporate culture that emphasizes a more balanced approach to world-domination.

S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H., the Special Association for Narcotics, Deception, Witchcraft, Infanticide, Coercion and Hatred, is a multinational corporation devoted to excellence in every field it enters.

For further information about the contents of this press release or about S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H. in general, please contact Lucy Fairfax (lucy@skitfaced.com).