The departments of Coercion and Hatred breathed a sigh of relief today as SANDWICH president Maximillian T. Grendel announced that there are no plans to change any of the words in the acronym SANDWICH. This, after a user discussion on SANDWICH's website suggesting that the C and the H in SANDWICH represent Creation of Havoc. Proponents of the change claim that while it would still articulate a valid SANDWICH aspiration, it is an economically-minded choice in that it represents one department, instead of two.

Under pressure to justify their jobs, Coercion head Reptilio and Hatred chief Harold bin Sampson gave a joint press conference last week, where they espoused the virtues of their respective departments. Bin Sampson went so far as to claim that "without hatred, there would be no SANDWICH."

Nevertheless, both Reptilio and bin Sampson acknowledged that it would be cheaper to run one department than two. And furthermore, both agreed that they would undergo genetic surgery to merge them into one being, though bin Sampson later added, "not unless the new, singular version of us gets to run the new department."

In a statement made over the internet this afternoon, Mr. Grendel revealed to the press and the public that the C and the H have always been the most contested letters.
" From Cancer and Harassment, to CHurch burning, to CHanting evil chants, to Cigarettes and Hashish, to Candied poisons and Hippie-whipping, the list goes....onny [sic]. We take each one seriously. We question everything. It is our greatest strength."

Mr. Grendel says he is "pleasey[sic]" with all the departments at SANDWICH, and with every department head. The company is riding high after reporting its most profitable quarter ever, only two weeks ago.

S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H., the Special Association for Narcotics, Deception, Witchcraft, Infanticide, Coercion and Hatred, is a multinational corporation devoted to excellence in every field it enters.

For further information about the contents of this press release or about S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H. in general, please contact Lucy Fairfax (lucy@skitfaced.com).