"The Universe has polluted our minds with its filth long enough," pronounced CEO Maximillian T. Grendel. "It's time to raze their lair, slaughter their staff, and sell their families into slavery."

The Universe recently published an "article" claiming that SANDWICH had been practicing evil accounting and would soon declare bankruptcy. "Nothing could be further from the truth," said Deception division head Lucy Fairfax. "we are open and honest about our financial performance, which is truly awesome, and the pride of the industry." Added Grendel, "evil pays, and our shareholders can continue to gloat manaically about the unfathomable riches their investment in SANDWICH will continue to bathe them in. However," he added, glaring menacingly into the camera, "employees of the so-called "Universe" will bathe in nothing but their own gore."

Coercion head Reptilior then took the stage to outline his plans for Operation: Flaming Wreckage. "A quick, tactical strike would be too good for these bastards. Their deaths will be long and agonizing," he hissed. First, a hideous spell will be cast by SANDWICH witches, under the supervision of division head Cipro, that will prevent Universe staffers from leaving the building. Then, an eardrum-splitting sonic bombardment will begin, followed by wave after wave of torturous assault upon the office, using means far too cruel to mention, and often beyond the realm of human comprehension. "Some of our weapons... it can wreck the mind simply to think about them," said Reptilior, while noting that the operation would culminate in the absolute destruction of the building and its occupants, and would be completed by the end of the fiscal year.

S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H., the Special Association for Narcotics, Deception, Witchcraft, Infanticide, Coercion and Hatred, is a multinational corporation devoted to excellence in every field it enters.

For further information about the contents of this press release or about S.A.N.D.W.I.C.H. in general, please contact Lucy Fairfax (lucy@skitfaced.com).