RAYMOND HEALEY SUSPENDED 45 GAMES FOR RAPE

June 5, 2002 02:21 PM

League officials announced earlier this week that superstar hockey player Raymond Healey has been suspended without pay for 45 games, effective immediately.

The Universal Hockey Federation’s commissioner Beverly Carlisle made the following press release:

“The UHF cannot sit back and allow for this behaviour to continue. When a star player like Raymond Healey rapes another player, on the ice during a game, I might add, you have to look at the league and wonder what went wrong. “

Raymond Healey is the star player for the Paloma sponsored Tar Rats. Healey is paid $25 million dollars annually but has a deeply sordid past with drug and alcohol addiction. In 1992 the UHF was bailed out of financial trouble by Palomazone International, Paloma’s parent company. The pharmaceutical company soon lobbied for loser laws involving the use of narcotics by the league’s players. Healey was one of the first to be affected. He developed an extremely unhealthy tolerance to Palomazone brand painkillers. In 1997 Healey won the UHF scoring title by 80 goals. Most insiders around the league claim Healey was using $500 worth of Palomazone brand amphetamines a day.

Things went from bad to worse for Healey. In the following years he slowly degenerated into a filthy drug addict and alcoholic. He became Palomazone’s most popular celebrity endorsement and his personal wealth continued to grow. He continued to use drugs and alcohol with reckless abandon and soon became involved in various pornographic projects. Last year he attacked referee Don Kohar after a roughing minor had been called on him. Healey brutally beat the man on the ice and then calmly skated to the bench and returned with a bottle of vodka. He poured the vodka on the referee and tried to light him on fire with a match. Alas, the match would not catch and Healey was detained.

The UHF has continually warned Healey about his on and off ice behaviour but when he actually raped Lightning defenceman Vladdy Ulanov on Wednesday night the league was forced to step in.

Skitfaced Home Celebrity Crime Editorial Sports The Paranormal	RAYMOND HEALEY SUSPENDED 45 GAMES FOR RAPE June 5, 2002 02:21 PM League officials announced earlier this week that superstar hockey player Raymond Healey has been suspended without pay for 45 games, effective immediately. The Universal Hockey Federation’s commissioner Beverly Carlisle made the following press release: “The UHF cannot sit back and allow for this behaviour to continue. When a star player like Raymond Healey rapes another player, on the ice during a game, I might add, you have to look at the league and wonder what went wrong. “ Raymond Healey is the star player for the Paloma sponsored Tar Rats. Healey is paid $25 million dollars annually but has a deeply sordid past with drug and alcohol addiction. In 1992 the UHF was bailed out of financial trouble by Palomazone International, Paloma’s parent company. The pharmaceutical company soon lobbied for loser laws involving the use of narcotics by the league’s players. Healey was one of the first to be affected. He developed an extremely unhealthy tolerance to Palomazone brand painkillers. In 1997 Healey won the UHF scoring title by 80 goals. Most insiders around the league claim Healey was using $500 worth of Palomazone brand amphetamines a day. Things went from bad to worse for Healey. In the following years he slowly degenerated into a filthy drug addict and alcoholic. He became Palomazone’s most popular celebrity endorsement and his personal wealth continued to grow. He continued to use drugs and alcohol with reckless abandon and soon became involved in various pornographic projects. Last year he attacked referee Don Kohar after a roughing minor had been called on him. Healey brutally beat the man on the ice and then calmly skated to the bench and returned with a bottle of vodka. He poured the vodka on the referee and tried to light him on fire with a match. Alas, the match would not catch and Healey was detained. The UHF has continually warned Healey about his on and off ice behaviour but when he actually raped Lightning defenceman Vladdy Ulanov on Wednesday night the league was forced to step in.	b