The Paranormal

"Hypno-Clock" Helps Man Quit Sleeping, Turn Into Zombie

A man in Laredo, Texas claims to have quit sleeping thanks to an incredible new "Hypnotic" Clock. The clock, known as the Ubersnoozenklukalarm, is available for purchase worldwide, on the internet shopping site shopfaced.

The man, who was not identified by any source, claims to have been hypnotized by a feature on the Ubersnoozenklukalarm called "Hypno-Snooze Power".
"I slept for two weeks, then a month, then five months. My body lived on nutrients the clock provided as vapours," said the man.

Now, the man claims, he requires no sleep at all. He says he has more time for family, friends, and generally enjoying himself. He also says he lives in what is most easily described as "a dreamlike state" where his unconscious mind has the power to manipulate the physical world. However, like a dream, this fragile reality can quickly become a nightmare. This is something the man prefers not to talk about, or even to experience -- he staves off these brutal headtrips with the help of mood-altering drugs.

Though doctors can't confirm that what the man says is true, some sources confirm that the man does not sleep at all, and has the general disposition of a "zombie" -- a supernatural being that manifests itself as a reanimated-corpse.

Sales of the Ubersnoozenklukalarm have skyrocketed since news of the man's condition broke. The man says his new life is "generally pleasant," that he is less "tired" and that he has "more time".

The clock's manufacturers say they are "pleased" with the clock's overwhelming success.

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Skitfaced Home Business Celebrity Crime Editorial Sports The Paranormal	The Paranormal "Hypno-Clock" Helps Man Quit Sleeping, Turn Into Zombie A man in Laredo, Texas claims to have quit sleeping thanks to an incredible new "Hypnotic" Clock. The clock, known as the Ubersnoozenklukalarm, is available for purchase worldwide, on the internet shopping site shopfaced. The man, who was not identified by any source, claims to have been hypnotized by a feature on the Ubersnoozenklukalarm called "Hypno-Snooze Power". "I slept for two weeks, then a month, then five months. My body lived on nutrients the clock provided as vapours," said the man. Now, the man claims, he requires no sleep at all. He says he has more time for family, friends, and generally enjoying himself. He also says he lives in what is most easily described as "a dreamlike state" where his unconscious mind has the power to manipulate the physical world. However, like a dream, this fragile reality can quickly become a nightmare. This is something the man prefers not to talk about, or even to experience -- he staves off these brutal headtrips with the help of mood-altering drugs. Though doctors can't confirm that what the man says is true, some sources confirm that the man does not sleep at all, and has the general disposition of a "zombie" -- a supernatural being that manifests itself as a reanimated-corpse. Sales of the Ubersnoozenklukalarm have skyrocketed since news of the man's condition broke. The man says his new life is "generally pleasant," that he is less "tired" and that he has "more time". The clock's manufacturers say they are "pleased" with the clock's overwhelming success. MORE ‘WILD’ ENGLISH CHICKENS ATTACK FRENCH The small town of San Paulo, South Essex became the centre of attention on the weekend when eyewitness reports surfaced of "rabid" chickens attacking cars. MORE SCIENCE FREAKS UNLEASH MONSTERS, ROBOTS EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ: Shoddy security at the secretive Dex Thority Labs (aka DEXLAB) has resulted in a barrage of monster and robot attacks in the lab's peaceful New Jersey neighbourhood, residents report. MORE ALIEN BABY FOUND IN FARMERS FIELD Northern Laredo, Texas: An extra terrestrial the size of a small chicken was discovered in a field of tobacco plants, only to be destroyed minutes later. MORE	b