"Successful" Gala Event Attended by Theives, Perverts

1 Dead, Eleven Appalled

A $1000-per-plate charity event at Invisible City Memorial hall could be subject to a public inquiry after several guests reported they had been victimized by theft of property, sexual assault and poor food last night.

Despite dozens of testimonials to the contrary, event organizer and Invisible Citizens for Employment and Sexual Restraint spokesperson Pilar Ichthymus called the dinner a "complete and utter success of the highest order."

The guest list, a veritable who's who of the Invisible City elite, included Deputy Mayor Milt Corroro and funnyman Vic Redstool, though neither gentleman attended the gala.

Approximately four hundred diners were expected at this invitation-only event. However, it is estimated that well in excess of 2500 people filled Memorial Hall last night, confusing organizers and upsetting the eleven legitimate guests in attendance.

Ex-track star Winnie "Cable Car" Auberge complained of being held down by several unknown assailants who proceeded to force-feed him a substance "similar in texture to cornmeal".

"I might as well forget about my wallet—god I hate living here," he said.

It is not known if Mr. Auberge was on the guest list.